my grandmother passed away last wednesday.  it was hard being so far away.  i wish i could’ve been at home to see her.  everything i heard about her during her last month was through my family.  i couldn’t see her and get a sense of how she was doing.  my family says she was really sick and was in pain but wanted to wait for her all her children to be there before she went.   when they all arrived, she passed away the next day.  besides continuing life here as normal and regularly thinking of her, i didn’t know what else to do.  i’m doing ok now.  sometimes it doesn’t seem like it really happened.  but i struggle with the idea of where she is right now…i read through passages of life after death…and my heart wants so much to be where i hope for her to be…

keeping busy has definitely helped.   today i learned how to do something really neat, and we applied what we learned immediately.  i was very proud of myself.  brave and bold…brave and bold!  and the people i shared my newly attained skills with were really, really engaged and receptive and wanted more.

on saturday, my roomie, a few friends and i went to the jay chow concert.  yeah baby!  my first concert here.  it was almost like a grand fireworks show + jay chow as the side dish.  but of course jay chow was great.  so hot…not only can he play every single instrument in the world, he can also dance!

next week we have friends from the states visiting.  so that’ll keep us really, really busy.

summer is here.  so it’s been sizzling hot.  and as a spoiled pacific northwest native, all i want to do is hide at home to escape the summer heat, but i can’t.  woe to me.

the other day i dreamed about running around greenlake.  i miss the nice, quiet, serene, beautiful greenlake that was only two blocks away from home, then getting gelatto after a nice walk/ run.  i think about going for a nice run but then i don’t want to because 1) i’ll realize how out-of-shape i am, and 2)  i truly don’t enjoy running but i don’t know why i really want to do it 3) because i can’t find a place like greenlake…nice trail, quiet, clean air, and 2 blocks from home.

school last week was really fun.  we managed to convince our teacher to take us out to eat on monday during class…kekeke…then we convinced another teacher to not give us a final but instead watch a movie…kekeke…and convinced another teacher to have class outside near the school fountain.  and when we were actually in class, we tried to distract the teachers by asking a lot of questions about their life so we wouldn’t have to do the lesson…kekeke…things are so incredibly flexible here.  i like it.

two foreigner friends said i look mexican…mexican?

my sister sent me this link to JK Rowling’s awesome and motivating graduation speech at Harvard: http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.htm read it and be motivated to change the world!

i just returned from an exhausting afternoon at the orphanage. a new baby had come in…he had an unusually large head…the other volunteer said that there’s too much liquid in his head and also suspects he may have down’s syndrome. so heart-breaking. the parents most likely couldn’t afford to take care of him so they abandoned him.

so when i first arrived, i walked into a room and expected it to be lively and noisy…instead it was eerie quiet. and some of the kids were definitely showing me some attitude. they refused to share any of the toys. one girl literally stole another little girl’s beaded necklace and the whole box of beads right in front of me and when i tried to get it back from her, she ran away from me. i stood there and used my broken chinese to convince her to return it but she absolutely refused. i didn’t know what to do so i just let her be. then she did it again to a little boy and when the little boy got it back and walked off to a corner to play, the girl went up to him, smacked him in the face and walked off. i was stunned. this girl is older and usually pretty responsible but was really scary today. i didn’t want to be near her. i went up to the boy and asked if he was ok…he didn’t say anything so i tried to get the beads back but the girl ran away from me again. not only that, she tried to get the other little kids to distract me so i would stop bothering her. and they listened to her! so yet again, i was unsuccessful in getting the beads back so i comforted the little boy with other toys. then as i was playing with another little girl, she started to throw her toys all across the room while laughing hysterically. i told her to stop. she didn’t and continued with her laughing and throwing. i was getting fed up and told them that i was leaving for a few minutes and expected all the toys to be picked up when i returned. so 15 minutes later, the toys were all picked up but they started again…this time with the whole tub of toys…throwing each toy far across the room. the kids were unusually difficult today…they weren’t themselves. it felt like something more was going on…there was a heaviness when i walked into that room that i didn’t feel elsewhere…

i was blasted with a strong sense of homesickness yesterday. i was finally working on my newsletter, looking through pictures to share, then started to look through folders upon folders of pictures from home. it brought back memories of dinner parties, social gatherings, meals with family, watching movies at home, playing the piano, singing karaoke, greenlake, and simply just hanging out with people. when we invite people over to our place, they never linger or want to talk and hang out. i like lingering people. that’s when the best conversations come. my roommate asked me the other day what exhausts me…and i said just being out exhausts me…the streets are always crowded, people are loud, they push me around and like to spit all over the place. and i’m tired of people asking me where i’m from, then saying i don’t look american at all, then saying, ’so you’re an ‘abc.’ i really don’t like that term.

anyhow, i am in fact doing well overall…just going through the normal living in a new country-type things. thanks for giving me the space to vent!

the olympic torch is coming this week! and if it’s coming during class time, i think i might just have to skip to go see it. i found out one of my foreigner friends will be carrying the torch!

this weekend we’ll be heading out to the countryside again. i’m really looking forward to that. i hope it won’t be as hard as last time and hope i’ll be at 100% health-wise.

urgent request…please think of my grandmother…her health is deteriorating, and the doctors say she might go anytime soon. she’s currently in a elderly home and somebody’s there watching her 24/7. so please think of her when you have time…she doesn’t know the lrd.

whoosh…where has the time gone?  happy 2 month anniversary to me!!  man, has it only been that long?  i feel like i’ve been here for so long already!  so it’s now time to reflect on a few things that have happened the past month…

in mid-may we went on another trip to the countryside.  this time it was much longer, and we did much more than last time.  i saw and experienced so much more than i imagined.  it’s hard for me to go into too much detail here so i’ll write about it more in my newsletter that should come out sometime next month. 

visiting the orphanage…i told one of the little girls my chinese name and she remembers it every time i see her…such a smart cookie!  a lot of the kids really like singing the ‘abc’s and many of them can hum the tune quite well.  the little girl can write out the first few letters in the alphabet.  so bright!  but another little boy is mad at me.  he wanted me to play with him but the other kids were pulling me at different directions so i couldn’t, then i forgot to go back to him.  when i said good-bye to him, he pushed me away.   i saw him this monday, and he totally ignored me…sadness…

classes
classes have been going really well.  i’ve been having a lot of fun.  my most favorite moments are when we’re able to set the textbooks aside and talk about the most random topics in chinese.  one day we began a discussion on the different types of body hair.  the other day we had a lesson on complimenting each other so the teacher asked us to say something nice about each other…and my classmate said i have a beautiful smile…awww….

we had to give a speech about a memorable moment in chinese so i talked about the most amazing auction ever!  the speech was only supposed to be 5 minutes but i went on for 10 minutes (i also showed them pictures)…gosh, i’m such a smart cookie!

i also have a walking buddy!  he’s an older fella and lives nearby so we try to walk to school every morning.  he’s from europe so has a little accent when he speaks english.  when we walk to school, he brings his camera and likes to takes pictures of the sights and sounds.  he walks the same route everyday so people recognize him and say hi to him.  this morning he gave the newspaper lady a peach…so cute!  he and his wife care for a large group of foster children with special needs.

classes end on the 27th of this month.  then we might visit some workerbees in a nearby town, then a group of friends from the states come in for a few weeks in july.  it’ll be a busy time but that also means presents for us!  last time a group of friends from the states came and they brought us costco-size cereal, m&m’s, pretzels, trail mix…it was so great!!

i’ve been having some tummy aches these past few days.  it was so bad last night, i woke up around 2am and couldn’t sleep til 3.  they tell me having tummy problems is a very normal occurrence for both locals and foreigners because of the food so i guess i’m not the only one.  :P  i only had some pretzels this morning and am now eating some bread…i hope it’ll pass soon!

when i’m out and about, i usually think of a lot of things to blog about but when i actually sit down and blog, my mind draws a blank.   sorry! also…i can’t seem to upload any more pictures but i did post some on facebook…so check that out when you have time!

earthquake

i just received a text message from my phone company notifying us that a few hours ago there was a 6-7 magnitude aftershock in the Sichuan province…i’m not sure of the details but it hasn’t affected this province at all…

the country has officially declared 3 days of mourning [5.19 to 5.21]. many forms of entertainment are not allowed. movie theaters, karaoke places, mahjong places have all been closed. shows on tv are only about the earthquake. many chinese websites are now only in black and white. we even observed 3 minutes of silence on monday at 2:28pm.

i haven’t had a chance to watch much news but the bits and pieces i’ve been able to catch have been heart-breaking. they showed clips of people being saved but also stories of people who have lost everything. i read that the latest numbers have passed 41,000, over 200,000 wounded and over 5 million people without homes. my friend told me some of the wounded have been coming to the hospitals here.

thank you all for your phone calls and emails. i didn’t realize how worried people were at home…sorry that i didn’t do a better job of letting you know that i’m doing fine. i haven’t had a chance to respond to all the emails and calls but i promise i will soon! i haven’t forgotten about you! and thanks for not forgetting about me! =)

while playing with the kids at the orphanage today, the chinese helpers suddenly told us to clean up and move all the kids to one area. they had just heard there was an earthquake nearby and were afraid aftershocks would hit our city. so we cleaned up, moved all the kids to one area and sat there waiting for something to happen. the kids did well. they stayed in the area the whole time…my roomie sang songs for awhile, then we got tired and ended up just sitting there until it was time for us to go.

a few hours later, we found out a 7.8 magnitude earthquake hit a neighboring province. it’s the area my roomie and i were just in last week. we have friends who live on the 22nd floor of this city, and they felt their building wobbling. we’re watching the news right now…many families have lost loved ones, lost homes and their means of livelihood. people are still searching for their loved ones. temporary hospital facilities have been set up on the streets to care for the influx of those who have been hurt…it’s heart-breaking seeing how such a strong force of nature could cause thousands to lose their homes, their beloved ones, and means of living. an earthquake of this magnitude is a horrible, horrible disaster for the densely populated areas in this country…

here’s more news

please keep all those who have been affected in your thoughts…

i’m eating yummy strawberry shortcake as i type this.  =)  this was my most favoritest school lunch dessert.

one month… 

last friday was my one month anniversary!  we didn’t really celebrate, but we ended up having my favorite meal of all, hot pot…yum yum.   so it’s been a month…everyday is definitely an adventure.  tiny things such as buying breakfast on the street, paying our phone bill,  taking the bus home, trying to buy an hair dryer (the salespeople asked if i wanted to try out the hair dryer before i bought it) and alarm clock at wal-mart is an adventure in itself and might i say…huge accomplishment too!

next week my roomies are going on a trip to the countryside, but i can’t go because of class.  actually…i can join them for the weekend but i’m not brave enough to travel to and from on my own….

a trip

last week my roomie, a friend and i traveled to a nearby city to visit some friends we met in colorado and to do some sightseeing.  it was incredibly refreshing and relaxing.  the city was much larger…it even had starbucks and mcdonalds and lots of western food!  i had country fried steak with eggs and potatoes one morning…so tasty.  =)   people tell me the city i’m in is one of the hardest places to live in but i didn’t fully comprehend that until i was elsewhere.  there wasn’t an overwhelming sense of darkness and oppressiveness that we constantly feel here.  it was such a breath of fresh air…literally and metaphorically…

but i’m back into the swing of things now.  school has been going well…still challenging but i’m improving.  my teacher said that my comprehension is at a pretty advanced level.  though my speaking is still not so good…i continue to use a lot of my cantonese to speak mandarin.  we had a tongue twister competition today, and i lost so i had to sing a song.  =(

scary bathrooms…

one of my secret fears before coming here was the scary bathrooms.  though i think i am slowly overcoming it.  i’ve seen some really, really nasty ones this past month.  i decided the anticipation of a scary bathroom is worse than actually using one so i try to not think about it so much.  i’m also learning how to just breath through my mouth so i don’t inhale any horrendous odors.   through much practice, i think my standards have been lowered quite a bit.  last week we were at a really touristy spot, and i went to a really, really clean bathroom…it even had toilet paper, soap and paper towels.  i wanted to go again just because it was so nice!

missing home

i do miss home a lot.  i miss clean bathrooms =) , non-honking cars, my bed, understanding what’s going on around me, knowing where to buy things, knowing what type of food to order, breathing in clean air, seeing a lot of green, and most of all…all the people.  small things can trigger thoughts of how wonderful home is…but…i am truly enjoying my time here.  my schedule is wonderful.  i no longer have a full-time office job…which is great!  i love the freedom, i love doing what i’m supposed to be doing, i love meeting and hanging out with people here.  i love being part of something big and beautiful.

it’s only been two weeks but somehow it seems like i’ve been here much longer than that. much has happened since my last entry. things have gotten much busier. i’ve gotten sick, but it’s just a cough though breathing in the air here doesn’t make it any better. though today i finally had some time to rest, so i watched a few episodes of lost [it only cost me a little more than $1 USD for all three seasons…quite a deal!] =)

i started school on wednesday, and i have class everyday. i began with the beginner’s class but they thought i was too advanced for that level so they moved me up. the first day was incredibly hard…the two other students (the classes are very, very small) could already read and speak quite a bit. i could understand the basic gist of a conversation but it’s hard for me to speak…especially with my english/ cantonese accent mixed in. it was somewhat of a difficult day…i was trying to figure out everything on my own, the teachers expected me to be at the level as the other students, i didn’t know where the classes were, they didn’t have any extra textbooks for me… i was so intensely focused on understanding my teachers, i was exhausted by the time classes were over. i felt like a young child going to school again.. .but i was really glad to go home and find my roomies there so they comforted me and said they would personally tutor me. =)

i have some pictures to share but for some reason the pictures won’t fully upload…goshey washey…

anyhow, one of the greatest highlights from this week was heading to the countryside. it amazes me how little people need to have to be content. the places we visited were rural and poor but so beautiful in all regards. the meal that i had was one of the favorite meals i’ve had so far…it was just hot pot with fatty pork and veges dipped in a hot chili sauce. so simple but yet so tasty. the people were so welcoming and hospitable. hey, i even met a guy who will be carrying the torch in a nearby city.

i also met a number of workerbees on this trip. it’s been incredibly encouraging talking to them and hearing their stories. they are so invested and committed to being here for a long, long time. they have given up everything they’ve had to begin a new life here. i’m touched by their obedience and commitment but sometimes i get so sad when i see them struggle with lack of community, an unstable life, realizing that their children could live a more comfortable life, being away from family and living in a place where people stare at them, constantly ask them why they’re here, where they are always breathing in polluted air and doing all this while learning a totally new way of life as an adult. a question that i constantly ask myself is…is it worth it? most of the time my answer is yes…but this question must be so much harder for them…especially those with families…

yet another update from me….i’m so proud of myself for posting so regularly. all these new and exciting things that i must share with you…

it was my roomie’s friend bday so we celebrated by going out to karaoke! man, karaoke here is high tech stuff. it was in this incredibly nice multiple story building.

i began the evening with the best karaoke song…a whole new world

the karaoke place also served a buffet dinner for only $1.5 USD.  i was amazed.
and i was a brave girl today…i spent a few hours wandering around the city on my own. i bought cane juice and some snacks using my very limited mandarin but they understood me, and i got what i wanted. soon i’ll be cruising around town with no problem at all!

happy one week anniversary to me!

today my roomie and i walked around town, then i worked on some stuff, then my roomies, her friend, our other friend and i had yummy green tea at the nearby park. it was quite beautiful! the friend said she’s going to take us to a coffee shop with live jazz sometime soon!

i have a picture to share with you…guess what it is [hint…it’s from the physical examination yesterday]

they’re little peeee cups….ewwww….i know….but i had to take a picture of it. we were asked to give them a little sample in the cup, then leave it on the table that was right outside the bathroom. it took me awhile to mentally prepare myself to do it, but i did it! basically we were given a checklist of what to do, and we had to go from room to room getting various things checked. i felt like i was on a scavenger hunt. the most hilarious room was the ’surgical’ room. when i walked in, the old fella looked at me very intently and began asking me a lot of questions in english…like where i was from, what i’m doing here, and he commented on how chinese i looked over and over again. then he said i was done…but he didn’t even sign my paper. i talked to another foreigner there, and he said the fella asked him the same questions. later when i was standing in another line, the fella came over and told me how chinese i looked again and asked how long i would be staying here. my roomie was there too, and when he walked off, we started laughing so hard.  such an interesting experience!  it was kinda fun rather than scary…but i hope i don’t have to do it again!

the reports will be ready on friday, then i can start school!